"I know I'm getting old. My birthday cake looks like a prairie fire."
1 month ago | 9
"I drink too much! My doctor wanted a urine sample - there was an olive in it!"
1 month ago | 12
"what happened in there?" "I got rid of Vanessa! I feel like I just got paroled."
1 month ago | 4
I had a dog I named her Egypt because every time she left the room there was a pyramid
1 month ago | 13
Oh, we're doomed from the start. I'm an earth sign, she's a water sign, together we made mud.
1 month ago | 5
I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a sweater with a bullseye on the back. No respect.
1 month ago | 7
Once my parents took me to Coney Island. After awhile I got lost. I asked the lifeguard if he could help me find them. He said, gee kid, I don't know, there's so many places they could hide.....
1 month ago | 2
Rodney Dangerfield
“I tell ya, you know when you’re getting old. I joined a weightlifting class, they started me with balloons.” (Artwork by Alex McVey)
1 month ago | [YT] | 1,849