Invidious

A few months ago I had a realisation that more than anything ever I wanted to be myself. I realised that true authenticity and the unapologetic courage to be ourselves is hindered by one thing only. Our fear of judgement from others. I never took myself to be the type of person to let others determine the way I act but I realised that I had slowly over time become less and less a version of myself that I really liked and believed in. I knew I wanted it to change and over many months and then over night it all clicked. As I discovered myself through music and vise versa I discovered my identity deep within, one that I always resounded with as a kid. The child I had locked up deep inside maybe as a way to escape the difficulties of my childhood or the traumatic memories and feelings those times bring up. As a kid I was forced to grow up too fast, in a way a large portion of my childhood was taken from me and as much as I loved so much of that time I had no choice but to run from it. I think a part of me avoided or suppressed many parts of my personality and who I am because I was afraid to be that kid again. I was afraid to hurt again, afraid not to be loved and liked and so I grew up and grew strong. Nothing could hurt me I was happy and no one would take it from me ever again.

Only the truth is at one point I took it from myself. Avoiding the inner child in me meant suppressing so many parts of me that made me feel alive and free. When I think back on those times it makes me so emotional to think how a kid going through so much had such power and ability to still be himself, all my memories are filled with visions of dancing and singing and running around the streets of my home dressed up like I was the lead in some film! I loved every moment of that and I still do! That’s who I am and who I have always been! In the process of all of this I got to make a music video which is a crazy thing for any person to be able to do. I wanted to express myself in ways I hadn’t in a very long time.

The song was written with the two most talented and kind and nurturing guys I know, Theo Hutchcraft & Lostboy , they allowed me a space to be myself without question and write with me in this world of freedom and creativity I had always longed for, and for that I will always be eternally grateful to them. When it came to making the video I knew I wanted to start dancing again, it had been a long time since I felt welcome on a dance floor but for the better part of 10 years it was my home! Then I met Liv Lockwood and she helped me in ways she could never even imagine. Her kindness, her passion, her understanding, her encouragement, her joy and her ability to get the best out of people was everything I needed. Through movement, through reconnecting with my body without any fear of “how I look” or “feeling stupid” I fell in love with dancing and moving again. I fell in love with just doing whatever the fuck I want because I want to and it feels fucking GOOOD!!

Making the video took a team of soooooo many talented people whom I’ve listed in a previous post and I encourage you to go and look at their work as they are all individually so talented and I am so grateful for them. Before I wrap this up though I want to especially thank the incredible Jasmine De Silva who directed the piece and helped me bring my vision to life with her incredible mind. Rhory Danniells who has produced almost every video of mine and is the biggest legend and hero to make everything happen always no matter what my crazy ideas and demands are as well as my manager Victoria whom without nothing would ever happen, she is the other half of everything I do, she’s the rock and the power she’s the attention to every detail and I couldn’t do it without her. Last but not least my most beautiful wonderful partner Sofia whom without I could have never felt the comfort and love to truly begin this journey to find myself again. To be a kid again 💛
linktr.ee/cianducrot

1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 299

@Epicplayzzz-z

Well Done Cian well said if only we could all be so brave. Your a great advocate of children growing up today so inspirational. So many people judging others on how they look,how they appear,how they dance, how they sing, how they dress, how they look or even how they should feel. I hope your happy. you do you, dance, sing look silly it’s ok. F the people who judge or hate on you as there not worth ur time or breath. whatever you want be happy as you deserve the best should be proud of yourself.💚☘️❤️ ps never change who you are that’s why people love you 🫶🏻❤️ my daughter is a huge fan as am

1 week ago (edited) | 1