The Onion

Sun Unsure What It Has To Do To Get Humans To Worship It Again

Read Full Story Here: theonion.com/sun-unsure-what-it-has-to-do-to-get-h…

5 days ago | [YT] | 42,194



@thebatman6201

Shoutout to THAT reporter. Really going the distance for that scoop

5 days ago | 3,900

@Nickelodeon81

Solar flare knocking out all electronics and wiping out technology will do it.

5 days ago | 3,300

@pvmanisggoorgh3377

I think we need a return to tradition. The Sun never asked for donations!

5 days ago | 2,400

@mikes2797

I became a sun worshipper overnight. Well not overnight you can’t see the sun at night but first thing the next morning RIP George Carlin

5 days ago | 1,200

@alter-nator

Just shine from time to time... (sad noises from Northern Ireland)

5 days ago | 374

@gooflydo

I would say, "Praise be to the sun," but that cloud is looking thick, and I think I am going to worship the cloud instead.

5 days ago | 633

@lukijez

Deadly sun lasers would be cool

5 days ago | 687

@cecilarthur3579

The God market has been a bit strained lately.

5 days ago | 976

@flapackfez

It's always where is the sun never how is the sun 😞

5 days ago | 182

@vinny1883

Honestly one of the most logical things to worship

5 days ago | 67

@suzettehenderson9278

Ra is a Sun god, Ra is a fun god. Ra! Ra! Ra!

5 days ago | 89

@WestOfEarth

Well, the Sun appears orange, so that's a start. It needs to be less competent at what it does, while appearing confident it knows what it's doing. It has to be less reliable than appearing predictably where it needs to be every second. It has to stop creating beautiful rainbow displays at night. Finally, it has have more violent CME outbursts as if it's unhinged from physics. Then people will worship you. Or at least 40% of Americans will.

5 days ago | 39

@SputnikRX

I still worship you Sun. I'll never let you down

5 days ago | 31

@vlogo4371

Giving me Seasonal Affective Disorder has worked for me. I now view the true New Year as the Winter Solstice and the radient height of the year to be the Summer Solstice.

5 days ago | 17

@RoundingThird

Sun and Earth are really the only things worth worship.

5 days ago | 202

@ignorasmus

It still holds great importance in Hinduism.

5 days ago | 82

@52flyingbicycles

Everything started to go downhill when the Spanish stopped the Aztecs from appeasing the sun god 🤔

5 days ago | 79

@TealWolf26

I'll worship it right now. Gets more done than any of the other deities.

5 days ago | 147

@AceHuman

PRAISE THE SUN!!!!!!!!!! **arms raised up**

5 days ago | 183

@victorcapel2755

In Scandinavia (and I'd imagine similarly northern places like northern Russia and Alaska), we've never really stopped. To take a walk outside during lunch on the first sunny spring day in Stockholm is just seeing 1,5 million people turn with the sun for an hour or so.

5 days ago | 7