“At last, a woman who would be mine alone. No strings attached… well, maybe one.”

“There’s a roach in the punch bowl!”

Mr. Dangerfield, what should we do about the sperm whale?

“What’s a high class guy like that doing with a low class broad like you?”

“Hey Doc, it’s me… Rodney.”

Rodney I hope you didn't try to drive in that condition.

“I tell ya, the way some people give you directions, you can’t help but get lost...”

“Hey mister, I’m on my break.”

Rodney finally put a face to the name when he cast Andy Kaufman as Dr. Vinnie Boombatz.

“I mean that’s the story of my life. No respect, I don’t get no respect at all. You kidding?”

“Never take your work home with you. That's how I lost my wife...’”

“For me, nothing comes easy. I met the Surgeon General, he offered me a cigarette.”

“Why is the men’s room locked? Is that so tough to figure out? We want to confuse people.”

“Oh, yesterday was a beauty too…”

“I tell ya, life isn’t easy. My psychiatrist told me I’m going crazy…”

“Here he is. Just now finished 22 sensational weeks in a garage in Newark.”

“You eat when you fly? You’re an animal!”

“It means... I don’t take shit from no one.”

Rodney had President Reagan laughing up a storm at “The Stars Salute the President”.

“Hey mister, I’m on my break.”

“No respect. Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me, ‘Basement?’”

“What do you think, you’re tough? I’ll show you tough.”

“Terrible neighborhood. The first day I moved in…”

“I’m sorry, I’m all alone here.”

“I tell ya, I’m all right now, but last week I was in rough shape...”

𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞: Are you trying to see through my clothes? 𝐑𝐨𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐲: I’m trying but it’s tough.

“I tell ya, my kid, he drives me nuts...”

How To Be an Auto Mechanic

Dean Martin tells one of his favorite jokes of Rodney’s

“Looks good on you though.”

“When I was a kid, I was poor. My rich aunt died. In her will, I owed her 20 dollars.”

“I tell ya, my family, nothing but losers...”

“What a dumb family I got, ya know. Last week I looked up my family tree. Two dogs were using it.”

“Biff, this is Rodney. Rodney, this is goodbye.”

“Johnny Carson... that’s where he comes from, Nebraska. And I tell ya...”

“I tell ya, my wife, the way she throws away money, it’s ridiculous…”

“Everytime I set the alarm, my wife turns it off. She says what I earn, it don’t pay to get up.”

𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫: How would you like your steak, sir? 𝐑𝐨𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐲: Big.

“What a neighborhood, I tell ya. No, it’s bad over there...”

“And I was an ugly kid, too. I told my old man he never took me to the zoo…”

“For years my parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn’t help me at all.”

“I don’t get no respect from anyone. When I had diabetes my wife kept sending me candy grams.”

“I mean, she can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.”

Your week presented by Rodney Dangerfield.

“I’ll have a double scotch and soda. Bring the whole bottle and leave it right here...”

“Last week I saw my doctor…”

“I was an ugly kid, too. I was so ugly, my mother breastfed me through a straw.”

“Last week, I told my wife I need a home improvement loan…”